


Stop the thoughts

by Enby_Queen



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Self Harm, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Unsympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, graphic depictions of self harm, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21625048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enby_Queen/pseuds/Enby_Queen
Summary: Remus finally found an outlet to stop his thoughts, but it isn't what anyone expects, least of all Logan and Patton.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 10
Kudos: 270





	Stop the thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I am. So sorry. I had a bad day and needed an outlet.

Remus slowly dragged the blade along his skin, grinning with sick glee as the blood bubbled up and ran down his arm. This was how he oftentimes got his intrusive thoughts out of his mind, this was how he managed them so they didn’t bubble over and he ended up hurting someone. He had just recently been...accepted? No, that was not the right word to use. He would never be fully accepted, not by the light sides. Hell, Deceit barely tolerated him and they were on the same side! Regardless, even if he couldn’t find the right word, he finally had...something with the light sides, perhaps an understanding? 

He couldn’t risk messing that up and losing all that progress, he finally had people he could talk to, sort of. He was at the very least invited to their evening suppers, Patton even coming to get him for breakfast some days. Remus partook in their movie nights, so long as he wore clothes, he talked about theories with Virgil, he spoke about science with Logan, sometimes he even helped Patton back! Roman...That was a work in progress, he doubted Roman would ever care much for him, as he shouldn’t. Remus was bad, he was evil, he had horrible thoughts that drove him absolutely mad. 

He hissed through his teeth suddenly, the blade catching deep in his flesh and making him whimper softly, dull eyes staring at the horrid gashes lining his pale arms, blood flowing like rivers and staining the green carpet below him a brilliant red shade. “There! No more bad thoughts! Now, I just gotta clean up and join the others for dinner!” He chirped in an excited tone, standing up, somewhat dizzy from the blood loss. He walked to his bathroom, and began cleaning up the mess he made, wiping his arms clean and bandaging them. Good think his outfit had long sleeves, good thing his outfit was mostly black. No one would notice, he couldn’t let anyone notice. Hell, what would they say if they found out Remus did this to himself, simply to keep himself in check? 

Patton would probably appear worried, Virgil would panic, Roman would be disgusted, and Logan? Remus was not sure, Logan was rather had to read. Maybe Logan would try using logic to explain why he shouldn’t harm himself? Yeah, that seems the most likely answer to that question. 

After his arms had been bandaged, and he put on his shirt, he walked downstairs slowly. The sides had noticed something was off about Remus, how the normally vulgar side was so much more subdued and quiet, not spouting out whatever he deemed an interesting thought. Yet, at least for some of the sides, it was a nice change of pace. Patton found him pleasant to bake with, Virgil actually engaged with him again, just like old times, and Roman stopped saying rather cruel things about his brother. Though, Roman also did not trust this version of his brother, did not trust how calm he was being as he sat at the table with a wide, sharp toothed grin on his face. His rage bubbled over when Remus complimented Patton on the food, digging in. 

“What are you planning, you fiend?!” Roman stood up, glaring daggers at his brother. Remus tensed up, staring up at him with wide, green eyes. 

“What do you mean? I’m not planning anything! I’m just trying to fit in better!” 

“Bullshit! Remus, you’re the villain, you’ll always be the villain! Now stop trying to get along with everyone, I know you’re just waiting for us to let our guard down!” 

Remus felt hot tears burning in his eyes, but he wouldn’t let them fall. Why was no one stopping Roman, who continued his vicious verbal assault? Remus stood, chair falling down behind him. He backed away, and turned, running back upstairs and trying to ignore the shouts of Roman and the others, barely hearing what they were saying, he couldn’t care less. 

Hurt them. Kill them. Rip their organs out and make them eat them. 

No no no, this was bad, really bad. Tears fell freely down his face as he slammed his bedroom door, letting out a yell which he was sure the others heard. Again, he did not care anymore. Why was he the villain? He’s been good! He’s been keeping his ideas in check, he hasn’t been keeping Thomas awake at night as often. Why was he still the bad guy...He didn’t understand, he didn’t know if he wanted to understand. 

All Remus wanted at that moment was the feeling of his flesh being torn open, watching blood spill from the fresh wounds. He wanted to cut himself open, he wanted to rip himself apart and lay on the ground as a pile of discarded limbs. 

He whimpered softly, grabbing his blade and ripping his top off, the bandages coming with it. He dug the knife deep into one of the still fresh wounds until it hit bone, grinning maniacally. “Yes! Yes yes yes! This is good, bad thoughts leaving my head now!” He said, almost in a sing-song voice as he continued to tear his arms open, leaving them bleeding horribly and freely, blood pooling under him. His mind swam, and he didn’t hear the frantic knocking at his door, too busy slicing himself open. 

“Remus!” That was Logan, and...Patton? In sync, having entered his room without permission. He looked up, dazed green eyes confused and his smile falling. 

“What...What do you two want?” He asked, dropping his knife and standing slowly, arm hanging limply by his side. He stared at the other two sides, and they stared at him. Patton had a hand over his mouth, and Logan was conjuring medical supplies, face pale from the sight of shredded flesh and exposed bone. He noted how Patton was crying, soft whimpers leaving his lips, but he didn’t turn his face away from Remus, staring at him with sorrow. 

“Remus...How...How long have you been doing this?” Patton’s voice was soft, and he approached the intrusive side, urging him to sit in a chair while Logan walked closer, kneeling down with gauze and rubbing alcohol. Remus didn’t know what he meant until he realized he was shirtless, revealing all of his scars and marks littering his pale body. “Why didn’t you talk to any of us? Sure you...You sometimes say things that make us uncomfortable, but we do care about you, I certainly do, and so does Logan, Virgil and..” 

“Don’t say his name, please...You know that he doesn’t give a bloody rats ass about me, not in the least. You heard what he said at dinner; I’m a villain, I’ll always be a villain.” His voice cracked, and he hung his head, sobbing softly and barely feeling it when Logan poured the burning liquid down his arm, wiping it free of blood to the best of his ability, eyebrows knit together in concentration. 

“Patton,” Logan began, earning a startled noise from the fatherly side. “I need you to go tell Roman that he is grounded, I know I am not normally one to ‘dish out’ punishment, but Roman went too far earlier, and the things he has said have obviously made a dangerous impact on Remus.” Remus wanted to argue, say that no, Roman was not the entire reason why he did this, but that could wait. 

Patton nodded his head, a deep frown on his face as he hurried out of the room, presumably to go tear Roman a new one. God, what Remus wouldn’t give to watch that. But right now, he had to deal with the feeling of a needle and thread going through his arm, stitching up the wounds too deep to just slap a bandage on. “Now, Remus,” Remus snapped to attention when Logan began speaking. “Why do you actually do this?” He asked, sparing a glance up at him, eyes shining with worry. 

“I..It helps the thoughts, Logan…” He admitted, looking down with tears still falling down his face. “When I can’t keep them inside, I let them out on myself so I don’t end up hurting any of you. I’m trying to get better for you, for the light sides, and for Thomas. But I’m still the villain, I’m still evil to Roman…’ He choked up, bringing his good arm up to wipe at his eyes, sniffling as they fell. 

Logan sighed softly, eyes soft and concerned even if Remus couldn’t see his face at the moment, given he was wrapping thick bandages around his arms now. “You aren’t evil, Remus, you just have ideas that scare others, that isn’t evil. You are still creativity, and you deserve to be treated as such.” He spoke calmly, making the medical supplies vanish as if they had never been there in the first place. “I am...sorry you thought mutilating yourself was the answer to calm your thoughts, but it is never the answer. You can always, and I truly mean this, always talk to one of us. I can at least confirm that Patton and I will always be willing to listen to your ideas and thoughts so you can get them out of your system. We both do care for you, and Virgil has said he enjoys your discussions about conspiracies. I cannot speak for Roman, as evidently he is still not too fond of you, but we all are. We accepted Deceit, we can accept you as well.” He said, standing up slowly, hearing his knees crack slightly. 

Remus stared in absolute shock, the tears still flowing freely down his cheeks. He stood as well, before throwing his arms around Logan and hugging him close, burying his face in his shoulder. The logical side tensed up momentarily, before slowly wrapping his thin arms around Remus, frowning. “Thank you, Logan...Did..Did you really mean all of that?” He asked, sniffling softly. 

“Of course, Remus. I would not tell a falsehood, I truly wish to help you work out your thoughts, and I will always be willing to listen, even in the middle of the night. Just, please, don’t do this to yourself anymore. I care too much about you to let this continue.” 

“I won’t, I promise Logan…”


End file.
